Beauty from ashes, poetry from pain. I love it. And I've never listened to your audio before. Have been doing it all along, or is this a new feature? Nice to hear your voice. 💜
I’d say I do audio on about 75% of my posts. I really enjoy doing it and generally get good feedback. Plus, it’s also available as a podcast on Apple podcasts and other places. I need to figure out how to promote that.
I guess I've just never noticed, which is odd, since I do an audio recording every week and have for over a year now. Because my posts tend to be on the long side, I have many followers who count on that audio so they can simultaneously do something productive with their hands and eyes. I also have not focused any effort yet on promoting it on Apple podcasts or anywhere else. Perhaps we can share ideas as we learn?
Oh, yes, fantastic. I would love to share ideas. It’s one of those things that’s on my list but far too close to the bottom for me to ever actually get to it. 😂
And yes, I’ve listened to and appreciate your recordings . 💕
I'm glad you went, Holly. I can't quite tell if you also allowed someone to come alongside to offer help to you, but it seems the experience of offering support is refilling your depleted tank either way. The hibiscus flower is spectacular. I'm reminded, each time I see one, of their cousin, okra, which is one of my southern (which is to say, African) favorites.
Love this -- the line from Romeo and Juliet played along: 'My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee,The more I have, for both are infinite.'
Giving -- always easier than receiving. I've begun to think that radical generosity is also the humility to ask and receive. -- years in the learning.
Roses -- but the list could go on and on.
Ice cream not so much but blackcurrent sorbet -- really sharp :)
And returning -- I find revisiting the place I spent my first 18 years so strange and hard -- two of my (now adult) children did their MAs there in the same year. My daughter's final show (she did Fine Art textiles and photography) was in a building not repurpsed by the university that had once been the hospital where I was born. 25 years on, I've never managed to go back inside the church in the UK Midlands where I was assaulted 3 times. And have not in the last 5 years revisited the tiny village at the foot of mountains in North Wales where I lived for 20 years -- wonderful place, wonderful neighbours -- and the move was right, but I still also miss it too much to be ready to go back -- one day.
“Giving -- always easier than receiving. I've begun to think that radical generosity is also the humility to ask and receive. -- years in the learning.” Yes, this, exactly. Still learning. Thank goodness. If we’re not showing up for each other and if we’re not evolving, what are we even doing?
And oh my goodness, black current sorbet sounds so good!!
Thank you for sharing these places. What a feeling to be back in the place of your birth. I totally get not returning to places that were the sources of pain. And so much energy in your words about that small North Wales village. Mmmm. Places. This makes me want to write more about my relationship to place. Thank you.
“more willing to risk uncertainty for the lessons of liminality. Or is it the other way around?” Love this mobius strip of existence! So gutted we are, and generous from that same gutting. ❤️
Mmmmm. I love this comment, Kimberly. Sent me looking at YouTube videos of möbius strips. 💕 This, dare I say, möbius strip of a feedback loop is such a marvelous thing about the immediacy of publishing on a platform like Substack.
I find it easier to give. To offer help. I am adept and capable when caring for others - startlingly so. But I am still learning to allow myself the same grace. To even recognise that I need help, and then to be so bold as to ask for it, to believe I deserve it. Injury and sickness will throw these lessons into sharp relief. Michael and I give and take like water flowing from one vessel into another. Our lives so entwined that there isn't really any difference anymore. To help him is to help me and vice versa.
As an immigrant that left my home when I was little I find a part of me is always seeking that half remembered place in Wales - that first home. Returning to it, offering no solace as it is so changed by time - or maybe I'm the one changed, unrecognisable.
I loved this piece. The writing is beautiful. Opaque and shifting, like a dream.
Me too! The startling adept at caregiving piece. And, too, how I’ve had to learn and evolve and have patience and give myself grace in order to become a good receiver.
Thank you for sharing about Wales. I find myself hoping you one day go there and stumble on something that touches some far away part of you from your younger years.
And I so love your relationship with Michael. Thank you for sharing this too! 💕
So hard sometimes to receive and allow help - even when you have no hesitation to give it to others. There is something circular in the logic and in the humanity of the moment, whether giving, offering, accepting, acknowledging, or taking. I hope your friend is doing well and that you continue to allow yourself to simply say yes and thank you.
It is so interesting to examine that circle and the breaks in it (say whatever it is that’s getting in the way of the receiving well). Oh humans. We’re both complex and simply little creatures. ;)
Thank you, Amy. It’s going to be a long road for my friend, but trying to pour into her all the love I can. And trying to keep myself humble and open.
I am great at giving and I suck at receiving. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with accepting help. I'm sure you speak for so many of us who struggle (that's my not-so-subtle way of asking for more writing about this very topic🤣)
Graceful receiving is giving a gift to the giver. When a person receives from a place of openess the exchange certainly goes both ways. If only I could remember that when it's my turn to receive! Look how quickly you hopped on a plane to give your gifts to a friend in need - it's so much easier than being the one in need.
Thank you, Donna! I’m so glad this piece resonated. I knew what I wanted to share but wasn’t sure what my angle in was. So I’m really glad it landed.
It’s funny how easy it is to know something intellectually—that to receive with grace and gratefulness is a gift, that it’s part of the unimpeded exchange of generosity that is the best of us and of life—but then struggle to put it into practice.
Maybe we grow into this knowledge beyond our minds and into our bodies together! Appreciate you tons!!! 🥰🥰🥰
Beautiful Holly. All of your writing shines as if from the brightest star, but I found myself “ohhing” and “ahhing” at this piece even more than usual.
“I’ve always loved flying, me, an ancient, in abject awe. Me, child, watching one scarlet scarf turn into scarlet attached to saffron attached to sapphire and then a rainbow chain of scarves snaking from a clown’s open mouth. My body, coyote pup at dusk on a full moon night: All of this, you say, is mine?”
— loved this part in particular! Not just for the majesty of the words, but also because flying has always been a fascination of mine, it’s a big part of what drew me to skateboarding in the first place, that feeling of flying along just inches above the asphalt— it felt like magic.
Also, I really resonated with struggling to receive help. The struggles I’ve had with back pain have pushed me to get better at receiving, but boy is it hard sometimes. Especially when Evie is so willing and ready to help me all the time and when I feel like I can’t give back the same.
I’m trying to really do that more — have fun with the writing. If I can make myself laugh or if I’m super happy with a description or phrase, then that’s a win all on its own.
I think you’ve mentioned it pretty recently, but I must say I never tire of hearing it it hehe. And, of course, I should mention that I feel the same way, Holly. Connecting with you has been one of the highlights of my Substack experience :)
Talking to my sister, reminiscing with childhood and teenage stories. My “…surreal state of returning…” only plays out in dreams of loved ones and places where memories lie dormant until they are awakened under the stars, under closed eyelids and cozy blankets .Yes, “lessons of liminality”. Both my parents needed me, is there anything more gratifying and pure than the feeling of being needed? And like you, Holly, when the Phoenix was in a perpetual burn, boy oh boy did I need help, regardless of wanting it.
Appreciation becomes the end all , doesn’t it?
Give without thought, without consequence, because being able to give, far surpasses any of my needs. Well, let me rephrase that, needing to be able to give, goes hand in hand . I believe I have found the answer to one of life’s confounding questions, sometimes people pass from this life simply because they no longer feel needed. Curious, after I finished reading your stunning thoughts, I went back and stared into your “…hibiscus like sunrise…”. This time, not so surprised with what I saw, right in the very center, gorgeous pedals open like cupped hands, the giver, the receiver, the need. In other words, I read yours, and I guess I am thinking something very similar, in other words.
Awwww, this is gorgeous, Lor. How did I get so lucky as to have you as a reader?
The hibiscus as cupped hands--the giver and the receiver. I mean, could I ask for anything more beautiful?
Yes to all of this. And may we, when we or whoever we hold dear, find ourselves in a perpetual Phoenix burn receive and give as beautifully as the hibiscus.
Thank you, Holly! What a wonderful compliment. Yes, the photograph of the hibiscus would be a great mural to hang on the walls of our imagination, referring to it when needed. As I mentioned before, similar thoughts, you , inspired me . I meant to tell you, I read it first, then decided we’d go for a walk together, you talked, while I listened. Somehow it intensifies the clarity of your words . Maybe when I listen while I am walking, the birds, sky and forest become the commas and explanation points.
Thank you Holly. I always listen. Grateful when you read your piece. The pictures are luscious. Personally, I am a better giver, than receiver. I feel certain your friend was more than glad to have your presence there. In all the ways. It sounds like you were able to have your cup filled too…? Thanks again-
Thank you, Julia! I am so glad you enjoy the audio.
Yes, a lesson I'm learning is the importance of making sure to fill one's own cup when giving as best you can so as to be able to do the giving generously and openly and abundantly.
You had me right at the beginning with "This small white bird wades and then lifts off, breast and beak the shape of grace, glides low. In the diamonds of afternoon light, it’s a creature made of surf, returned to surf." 🤍
I don't think I know another soul who opens their arms like wings as gracefully and eloquently and with such generosity, drunken or otherwise, as you Holly!
Just what I needed today. What a blessing!
Fantastic. Thanks, Susan.
Being in exchange, so friggin hard with people... your writing reminds me of Vincent's painting, Holly!
It is hard!
And oh, wow, what a wonderful compliment. Thank you, Bertus.
Thank you!
Thank YOU!!
I'm saving this line, what a beauty:
Baudelaire said “Be Drunk.” I say be generous. Or be drunk on generosity—your own and others’.
Thank you, Stephanie! I so very much appreciate hearing what resonates with people. 💕
Beauty from ashes, poetry from pain. I love it. And I've never listened to your audio before. Have been doing it all along, or is this a new feature? Nice to hear your voice. 💜
Thank you, Sherry. I appreciate you.
I’d say I do audio on about 75% of my posts. I really enjoy doing it and generally get good feedback. Plus, it’s also available as a podcast on Apple podcasts and other places. I need to figure out how to promote that.
Thanks again, my adventure friend!
I guess I've just never noticed, which is odd, since I do an audio recording every week and have for over a year now. Because my posts tend to be on the long side, I have many followers who count on that audio so they can simultaneously do something productive with their hands and eyes. I also have not focused any effort yet on promoting it on Apple podcasts or anywhere else. Perhaps we can share ideas as we learn?
Oh, yes, fantastic. I would love to share ideas. It’s one of those things that’s on my list but far too close to the bottom for me to ever actually get to it. 😂
And yes, I’ve listened to and appreciate your recordings . 💕
I'm glad you went, Holly. I can't quite tell if you also allowed someone to come alongside to offer help to you, but it seems the experience of offering support is refilling your depleted tank either way. The hibiscus flower is spectacular. I'm reminded, each time I see one, of their cousin, okra, which is one of my southern (which is to say, African) favorites.
I hope you're finding your "yes."
That hibiscus has my heart!
Love this -- the line from Romeo and Juliet played along: 'My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee,The more I have, for both are infinite.'
Giving -- always easier than receiving. I've begun to think that radical generosity is also the humility to ask and receive. -- years in the learning.
Roses -- but the list could go on and on.
Ice cream not so much but blackcurrent sorbet -- really sharp :)
And returning -- I find revisiting the place I spent my first 18 years so strange and hard -- two of my (now adult) children did their MAs there in the same year. My daughter's final show (she did Fine Art textiles and photography) was in a building not repurpsed by the university that had once been the hospital where I was born. 25 years on, I've never managed to go back inside the church in the UK Midlands where I was assaulted 3 times. And have not in the last 5 years revisited the tiny village at the foot of mountains in North Wales where I lived for 20 years -- wonderful place, wonderful neighbours -- and the move was right, but I still also miss it too much to be ready to go back -- one day.
“Giving -- always easier than receiving. I've begun to think that radical generosity is also the humility to ask and receive. -- years in the learning.” Yes, this, exactly. Still learning. Thank goodness. If we’re not showing up for each other and if we’re not evolving, what are we even doing?
And oh my goodness, black current sorbet sounds so good!!
Thank you for sharing these places. What a feeling to be back in the place of your birth. I totally get not returning to places that were the sources of pain. And so much energy in your words about that small North Wales village. Mmmm. Places. This makes me want to write more about my relationship to place. Thank you.
I'm endlessly fascinated by place. In my last novel the forest was a major character -- place has such impact.
Oh I LOVE the forest as character! Wonderful.
“more willing to risk uncertainty for the lessons of liminality. Or is it the other way around?” Love this mobius strip of existence! So gutted we are, and generous from that same gutting. ❤️
Mmmmm. I love this comment, Kimberly. Sent me looking at YouTube videos of möbius strips. 💕 This, dare I say, möbius strip of a feedback loop is such a marvelous thing about the immediacy of publishing on a platform like Substack.
I find it easier to give. To offer help. I am adept and capable when caring for others - startlingly so. But I am still learning to allow myself the same grace. To even recognise that I need help, and then to be so bold as to ask for it, to believe I deserve it. Injury and sickness will throw these lessons into sharp relief. Michael and I give and take like water flowing from one vessel into another. Our lives so entwined that there isn't really any difference anymore. To help him is to help me and vice versa.
As an immigrant that left my home when I was little I find a part of me is always seeking that half remembered place in Wales - that first home. Returning to it, offering no solace as it is so changed by time - or maybe I'm the one changed, unrecognisable.
I loved this piece. The writing is beautiful. Opaque and shifting, like a dream.
Me too! The startling adept at caregiving piece. And, too, how I’ve had to learn and evolve and have patience and give myself grace in order to become a good receiver.
Thank you for sharing about Wales. I find myself hoping you one day go there and stumble on something that touches some far away part of you from your younger years.
And I so love your relationship with Michael. Thank you for sharing this too! 💕
Thank you! Being and being seen is a gift :)
So hard sometimes to receive and allow help - even when you have no hesitation to give it to others. There is something circular in the logic and in the humanity of the moment, whether giving, offering, accepting, acknowledging, or taking. I hope your friend is doing well and that you continue to allow yourself to simply say yes and thank you.
It is so interesting to examine that circle and the breaks in it (say whatever it is that’s getting in the way of the receiving well). Oh humans. We’re both complex and simply little creatures. ;)
Thank you, Amy. It’s going to be a long road for my friend, but trying to pour into her all the love I can. And trying to keep myself humble and open.
Much love your way.
Beautiful!
Thank you, thank you!!
I am great at giving and I suck at receiving. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with accepting help. I'm sure you speak for so many of us who struggle (that's my not-so-subtle way of asking for more writing about this very topic🤣)
Graceful receiving is giving a gift to the giver. When a person receives from a place of openess the exchange certainly goes both ways. If only I could remember that when it's my turn to receive! Look how quickly you hopped on a plane to give your gifts to a friend in need - it's so much easier than being the one in need.
A beautiful and touching essay Holly, thank you.
Thank you, Donna! I’m so glad this piece resonated. I knew what I wanted to share but wasn’t sure what my angle in was. So I’m really glad it landed.
It’s funny how easy it is to know something intellectually—that to receive with grace and gratefulness is a gift, that it’s part of the unimpeded exchange of generosity that is the best of us and of life—but then struggle to put it into practice.
Maybe we grow into this knowledge beyond our minds and into our bodies together! Appreciate you tons!!! 🥰🥰🥰
I appreciate you too!
Beautiful Holly. All of your writing shines as if from the brightest star, but I found myself “ohhing” and “ahhing” at this piece even more than usual.
“I’ve always loved flying, me, an ancient, in abject awe. Me, child, watching one scarlet scarf turn into scarlet attached to saffron attached to sapphire and then a rainbow chain of scarves snaking from a clown’s open mouth. My body, coyote pup at dusk on a full moon night: All of this, you say, is mine?”
— loved this part in particular! Not just for the majesty of the words, but also because flying has always been a fascination of mine, it’s a big part of what drew me to skateboarding in the first place, that feeling of flying along just inches above the asphalt— it felt like magic.
Also, I really resonated with struggling to receive help. The struggles I’ve had with back pain have pushed me to get better at receiving, but boy is it hard sometimes. Especially when Evie is so willing and ready to help me all the time and when I feel like I can’t give back the same.
A truly wonderful piece, friend. :)
Awwwww! Thank you.
I’m so glad you loved the bit about flying. I had so much fun writing it.
Accepting help well is a damn art, and I am humbly attempting to evolve and get better at it.
Have I told you lately how incredibly fortunate I am to have connected with you? 😊
I’m trying to really do that more — have fun with the writing. If I can make myself laugh or if I’m super happy with a description or phrase, then that’s a win all on its own.
I think you’ve mentioned it pretty recently, but I must say I never tire of hearing it it hehe. And, of course, I should mention that I feel the same way, Holly. Connecting with you has been one of the highlights of my Substack experience :)
Talking to my sister, reminiscing with childhood and teenage stories. My “…surreal state of returning…” only plays out in dreams of loved ones and places where memories lie dormant until they are awakened under the stars, under closed eyelids and cozy blankets .Yes, “lessons of liminality”. Both my parents needed me, is there anything more gratifying and pure than the feeling of being needed? And like you, Holly, when the Phoenix was in a perpetual burn, boy oh boy did I need help, regardless of wanting it.
Appreciation becomes the end all , doesn’t it?
Give without thought, without consequence, because being able to give, far surpasses any of my needs. Well, let me rephrase that, needing to be able to give, goes hand in hand . I believe I have found the answer to one of life’s confounding questions, sometimes people pass from this life simply because they no longer feel needed. Curious, after I finished reading your stunning thoughts, I went back and stared into your “…hibiscus like sunrise…”. This time, not so surprised with what I saw, right in the very center, gorgeous pedals open like cupped hands, the giver, the receiver, the need. In other words, I read yours, and I guess I am thinking something very similar, in other words.
Awwww, this is gorgeous, Lor. How did I get so lucky as to have you as a reader?
The hibiscus as cupped hands--the giver and the receiver. I mean, could I ask for anything more beautiful?
Yes to all of this. And may we, when we or whoever we hold dear, find ourselves in a perpetual Phoenix burn receive and give as beautifully as the hibiscus.
Thank you, Holly! What a wonderful compliment. Yes, the photograph of the hibiscus would be a great mural to hang on the walls of our imagination, referring to it when needed. As I mentioned before, similar thoughts, you , inspired me . I meant to tell you, I read it first, then decided we’d go for a walk together, you talked, while I listened. Somehow it intensifies the clarity of your words . Maybe when I listen while I am walking, the birds, sky and forest become the commas and explanation points.
Awww—nature’s punctuation. (I’ll have you know you inspire me too.)
Thank you Holly. I always listen. Grateful when you read your piece. The pictures are luscious. Personally, I am a better giver, than receiver. I feel certain your friend was more than glad to have your presence there. In all the ways. It sounds like you were able to have your cup filled too…? Thanks again-
Thank you, Julia! I am so glad you enjoy the audio.
Yes, a lesson I'm learning is the importance of making sure to fill one's own cup when giving as best you can so as to be able to do the giving generously and openly and abundantly.
You had me right at the beginning with "This small white bird wades and then lifts off, breast and beak the shape of grace, glides low. In the diamonds of afternoon light, it’s a creature made of surf, returned to surf." 🤍
I don't think I know another soul who opens their arms like wings as gracefully and eloquently and with such generosity, drunken or otherwise, as you Holly!
Thank you, dear Susie. What an embarrassment of riches to have connected with the likes of you. 🥰🥰🥰
Ditto my friend, ditto! xx