I’m sure I envisioned a table, steaming blue crab piled high. New friends, eyes and lips glistening with candlelight, melted butter, and story. I’m almost as certain I passed the four days I spent in a Baltimore hostel, according to my log, mostly alone and silent.
"But I felt a bond of kinship with this woman as we passed. It was as if the mycelial-like structure that connects us all got tangled, and for a nanosecond, her pain shot through me." Oh I've felt that so often over the years, especially in San Francisco, a casual glance so brutal you can never forget it.
This was fantastic, Holly. Your writing is beautiful. The feeling behind your words is moving. And the way you weave it all together is exceptional. A very engaging piece.
Below are some (of the many) lines I really enjoyed:
“Maybe I was disembodied by longing, different parts of me flowing like waterways to the bay of my someday.”
“... a bedroom gait?”
“ I don’t recall if I went. Let’s say I did. Let’s say it was mouthwatering.”
“Here, in a place where loss and relief eyeball each other from either side of a perpetual teeter-totter?”
“But I felt a bond of kinship with this woman as we passed. It was as if the mycelial-like structure that connects us all got tangled, and for a nanosecond, her pain shot through me.”
“Maybe if you’re hoping to marry and divorce and party and fuck and adventure your way out of a loss of faith in yourself, in the world, you become less visible. Maybe I was only just learning how to embody the paradox of my yens and complications.”
Waterways/bay/someday... Very nice. I can't imagine choosing a hospital cafeteria unless all other options had been eliminated! As a lover of parentheticals myself, a very gentle suggestion is that maybe trying to find a way to communicate the same information and feel without the actual parentheses might be beneficial. Thank you for always being such a brave writer! You inspire me.
I adored this piece, Holly. I particularly liked the use of questioning your memories/feelings; the use and repetition of "maybe" was so well done. Also the writing is divine! I look forward to reading more as you continue to share them.
🥰 Emily, this is such a wonderful compliment. Thank you. I've really been enjoying experimenting with the speculative method of memory when chunks are missing or uncertain, both in essays and in the memoir I'm working on. So I'm so pleased to hear it resonated with you.
Hi Holly! I'm still making my way through this memoir, but it's such a delight to return to your writing. You write beautiful sentences that are packed with so much depth, and I just love reading and unpacking them. This whole paragraph is a great example:
"I wanted so much from this trek. I wanted to overtake the belief kneaded into me that a woman alone was lost and vulnerable, all softness and unfulfillable purpose . . . I would raise myself to her gaze and find my mistakes softened in the reflection of their chestnut pools. I wanted to feel strong and intrepid, capable of escorting myself safely along any street. I wanted to capture all I saw in words that would transform me and reader alike. Was that too much to want?"
Jacob, thank you thank you. I so very much appreciate you writing and commenting. It's a treasure to learn what bits resonate for readers. I think of writing as a conversation across geography and time and so many other possible barriers. And the immediacy of response and interaction is part of what I think makes this platform unique. It really helps me grow as a writer. In short, what a treat it is to have you reading. :)
Thank you! Yes, I agree that the beauty and appeal of writing is being able to find a way through so many of the barriers standing between us all. One negative of the writing life (not always, but sometimes) is the loneliness and not having an audience for your work. You’re absolutely right that the “immediacy of response and interaction” of Substack is what makes it such a cool platform for writers and helps us all grow. I’m really grateful for the opportunities it helps create.
I’ve lived in Baltimore for decades. It’s a special place. You captured something so true with this: “ To stand in Federal Hill at dusk and see Inner Harbor in duplicate, one skyline reaching toward the stars, the other soft and blurred in the mirror where ships rest?” WOW.
Holly, to me this was a beautiful piece of writing. Mostly for emotion and memories it conjured in me of a past life of travel writing. I've been out there on my own more times than I can remember and each sentence in your story somehow made me think of my own.
"It was as if the mycelial-like structure that connects us all got tangled, and for a nanosecond, her pain shot through me." - What a beautiful, touching statement.
Thank you, Nadia! I really appreciate that you and Troy both called this out. It's one of my guiding principles--the idea that we're all connected by unseen strands of communication and that sometimes the connections, even to strangers are a little more "visible" than they normally are.
"Maybe I was disembodied by longing, different parts of me flowing like waterways to the bay of my someday." What a line. I didn't realize this was part 2 until the end, so I need to go back and read the opener.
Thank you, Troy! :) I so appreciate you reading and commenting.
I do mean for each of these "East Coast essays" (I need a better collection title, ha!) to stand on their own. But together, they'll end up chronicling the whole trek.
My daughter went to the Maryland Institute of Art in Baltimore. I liked visiting there. Federal Hill was nice. The Inner Harbour was way too touristy. Many trips to the Visionary Art Museum of outsider art. I was just trying to find one of Anne Tyler’s books just before I read this. She encapsulated Baltimore perfectly.
Oh nice! I'll have to check out Anne Tyler's writing. I still don't have much of a feel for Baltimore, given the spottiness of my memories of this short visit. I bet it was a way cool place for her to be in school. :)
I was talking about you the other day--how awesome that you and Debbie just walked the Camino. It's on my someday list, and I'm inspired by your adventuring. :)
Thank you much for reading and commenting. It really means a lot to me.
"But I felt a bond of kinship with this woman as we passed. It was as if the mycelial-like structure that connects us all got tangled, and for a nanosecond, her pain shot through me." Oh I've felt that so often over the years, especially in San Francisco, a casual glance so brutal you can never forget it.
How lovely we both felt this statement so deeply.
We're all studying how to shepherd our own heart.
Yes. So well said. ♥️
This was fantastic, Holly. Your writing is beautiful. The feeling behind your words is moving. And the way you weave it all together is exceptional. A very engaging piece.
Below are some (of the many) lines I really enjoyed:
“Maybe I was disembodied by longing, different parts of me flowing like waterways to the bay of my someday.”
“... a bedroom gait?”
“ I don’t recall if I went. Let’s say I did. Let’s say it was mouthwatering.”
“Here, in a place where loss and relief eyeball each other from either side of a perpetual teeter-totter?”
“But I felt a bond of kinship with this woman as we passed. It was as if the mycelial-like structure that connects us all got tangled, and for a nanosecond, her pain shot through me.”
“Maybe if you’re hoping to marry and divorce and party and fuck and adventure your way out of a loss of faith in yourself, in the world, you become less visible. Maybe I was only just learning how to embody the paradox of my yens and complications.”
Thanks :)
Waterways/bay/someday... Very nice. I can't imagine choosing a hospital cafeteria unless all other options had been eliminated! As a lover of parentheticals myself, a very gentle suggestion is that maybe trying to find a way to communicate the same information and feel without the actual parentheses might be beneficial. Thank you for always being such a brave writer! You inspire me.
Thanks! Good note, Heather.
I so appreciate you--all of your engagement and support. It really means the world to me. And your bravery inspires me as well.
I adored this piece, Holly. I particularly liked the use of questioning your memories/feelings; the use and repetition of "maybe" was so well done. Also the writing is divine! I look forward to reading more as you continue to share them.
🥰 Emily, this is such a wonderful compliment. Thank you. I've really been enjoying experimenting with the speculative method of memory when chunks are missing or uncertain, both in essays and in the memoir I'm working on. So I'm so pleased to hear it resonated with you.
Hi Holly! I'm still making my way through this memoir, but it's such a delight to return to your writing. You write beautiful sentences that are packed with so much depth, and I just love reading and unpacking them. This whole paragraph is a great example:
"I wanted so much from this trek. I wanted to overtake the belief kneaded into me that a woman alone was lost and vulnerable, all softness and unfulfillable purpose . . . I would raise myself to her gaze and find my mistakes softened in the reflection of their chestnut pools. I wanted to feel strong and intrepid, capable of escorting myself safely along any street. I wanted to capture all I saw in words that would transform me and reader alike. Was that too much to want?"
What a treat it is to read your work!
Jacob, thank you thank you. I so very much appreciate you writing and commenting. It's a treasure to learn what bits resonate for readers. I think of writing as a conversation across geography and time and so many other possible barriers. And the immediacy of response and interaction is part of what I think makes this platform unique. It really helps me grow as a writer. In short, what a treat it is to have you reading. :)
Thank you! Yes, I agree that the beauty and appeal of writing is being able to find a way through so many of the barriers standing between us all. One negative of the writing life (not always, but sometimes) is the loneliness and not having an audience for your work. You’re absolutely right that the “immediacy of response and interaction” of Substack is what makes it such a cool platform for writers and helps us all grow. I’m really grateful for the opportunities it helps create.
I’ve lived in Baltimore for decades. It’s a special place. You captured something so true with this: “ To stand in Federal Hill at dusk and see Inner Harbor in duplicate, one skyline reaching toward the stars, the other soft and blurred in the mirror where ships rest?” WOW.
Julie, I didn’t know you live in Baltimore. I like knowing that, being able to place literary friends in my mind.
And thank you for your kind words. I loved finding that line. ♥️
I listened to Nina Simone’s “Baltimore” while writing this piece.
Another song that holds a special place in my heart is Counting Crows “Raining in Baltimore” 🙂
Oh, lovely. I’m putting that in my listening cue today.
Nina Simone is 🔥
Holly, to me this was a beautiful piece of writing. Mostly for emotion and memories it conjured in me of a past life of travel writing. I've been out there on my own more times than I can remember and each sentence in your story somehow made me think of my own.
Thank you for sharing this link in my note 😊
Thank you, Kristi. I’m so glad to hear it resonated. Just read your comeback piece. And glad to have found you’re a kindred traveling spirit. ❤️
So poetic with beautiful descriptions. Well done. 🙏
Thank you, CK! I much appreciate your support. ❤️
This is writing with rich flavour and texture, like that corned beef you may or may not have eaten. I loved this essay.
Love it!! Thank you, Jeffrey. ♥️
"It was as if the mycelial-like structure that connects us all got tangled, and for a nanosecond, her pain shot through me." - What a beautiful, touching statement.
Thank you, Nadia! I really appreciate that you and Troy both called this out. It's one of my guiding principles--the idea that we're all connected by unseen strands of communication and that sometimes the connections, even to strangers are a little more "visible" than they normally are.
I love how you call it - strands. Hideo Kojima made a whole game on such strands.
Well checking this out just got added to my to-do list. 😄
Woo! I wrote about it here in case you're interested: https://whenhopewrites.substack.com/p/on-video-games-humanity-loneliness. The game is slow but with rich storytelling and quirky, fascinating, unique characters.
Thank you!
"Maybe I was disembodied by longing, different parts of me flowing like waterways to the bay of my someday." What a line. I didn't realize this was part 2 until the end, so I need to go back and read the opener.
Thank you, Troy! :) I so appreciate you reading and commenting.
I do mean for each of these "East Coast essays" (I need a better collection title, ha!) to stand on their own. But together, they'll end up chronicling the whole trek.
My daughter went to the Maryland Institute of Art in Baltimore. I liked visiting there. Federal Hill was nice. The Inner Harbour was way too touristy. Many trips to the Visionary Art Museum of outsider art. I was just trying to find one of Anne Tyler’s books just before I read this. She encapsulated Baltimore perfectly.
Oh nice! I'll have to check out Anne Tyler's writing. I still don't have much of a feel for Baltimore, given the spottiness of my memories of this short visit. I bet it was a way cool place for her to be in school. :)
I was talking about you the other day--how awesome that you and Debbie just walked the Camino. It's on my someday list, and I'm inspired by your adventuring. :)
Thank you much for reading and commenting. It really means a lot to me.